I've written this blog to help me on my weight loss. I hope it may hope others too who are considering following a VLCD. These are my own personal views and thoughts, I have no assocation with the plans I choose to follow other than buying their products for my own personal use!

Sunday 30 September 2012

Day 4. Feeling good but tired.

Which really might be nothing to do with the change of energy use from carbs to my very own ample fat stores.  Andrew has been here for the weekend as he usually is.  He's still feeling the cold after spending nearly 6 of the very hottest weeks of the year in our beloved Icmeler and has to have the heat on.  I'm not one for having a warm bedroom, I don't sleep so well, and with him hogging the bed and the majority of the covers, I've not had so much sleep.  So it could just be that or it could be a combination, or it could just be ketosis?  I'm doubtful it's just ketosis as that is supposed to give me a burst of energy, not send me off to nodsville.  I was antsy yesterday, wanting to get on with cleaning and rearranging stuff, but ended up frustrated cause what I want to do is move furniture around ready for winter (best place for the Christmas tree and all that) and I can't do that with my fractured arm.  Cleaned the fridge and kitchen instead but it didn't quite cut it.

So, I was going to venture round town and make a mental list of target treats I fancy, but instead I'm just stopping off at Argos to pick up a water filter jug - given I'm drinking so much of it for the forseeable, I might as well make it taste the best I can, and a pack of colouring pencils!  I'm a visual person, and saw a lovely idea for logging your loses on the lighterlife forums - can't find it again to give credit to the originator, but if you ever read this - thank you, inspirational idea! - Flowers with 6 petals and a centre, each one representing a pound in weight lost, so every time you complete a flower, you've lost half a stone.  I've got 4 stone of flowers sat on my fridge waiting for some colour!

It's been a challenging weekend too, dealing with someone else in the flat eating food.  Andrew is a fussy eater, so I normally end up cooking him something different to me anyhow, so that wasn't so bad.  But he loves pizzas, so do I, and wanted one last night.  It did smell really good but I wasn't tempted by it - must admit though, I almost automatically licked the pizza slicer before putting it in the sink!  I didn't do it, but it was quite a timely reminder of the things we do without thinking.  Sunday is my big day of junk food eating, so today has really been a tester.  Went for a scan at lunchtime so had to drink a lot of water for that, all good for the fat flushing, meant I was pretty late with my second food pack but all is ok.  Tried out the savoury broth this afternoon as an alternative to the many cups of black coffee I've been drinking, it's not bad.  I'm pretty pleased with myself cause it's now 5pm and I've not really had any serious "needs" for food.  I've still got 2 more packs to have today, so I'm doing good.  Really really looking forward to Wednesday night to see how much I've done so far - need to see a decent loss for the first month I think before I believe that I can actually do this as I often lose big on the first week of a plan.

Todays MASSIVE learning point - my hunger is thirst.  For 41 years I've fed my thirst and then fed it some more when it's not gone away.  What I should have done is put the kettle on and watered it instead.  There's one to remember - it's not hunger, it's thirst.  I know the feeling, I'm very familiar with it, just need to sort my head out remembering that it's not an overwhelming need for 2 packets of crisps in case I fall over and pass out from lack of food (seriously, the number of times I've actually thought that, after going, oooh, maybe a max of 3 hours since eating!!), it just needs sorting with a bottle of water.

Friday 28 September 2012

Day 2 - I must have been living in hell already!

I feel fine.  More than fine.  I don't feel hideous, I don't have cravings, I don't have any desire to chew off my own arm and have it with pasta.  The only conclusion I can draw from this is that I was already living in hell.  It's quite possible I guess, my diet had got so bad I felt pretty shocking before I started, and I knew it was about what I was putting in my mouth, but still I did it.  Perhaps I'm experiencing a little premature euphoria simply because I've done day 1, and I've done a few hours of day 2 too, and haven't had to fight the forces of evil that make me eat anything and everything.

What's exciting so far (small things and all that) is that already on morning 2 my ketostix registered a trace - woohoo! 24 hours in and it's already not negative.  I was delighted, already I've just about cleared out the glycogen stores and are getting ready to burn the fat off.  That's quite quick, maybe that's why I needed to eat so often, I must have such an efficient internal system to convert carbs to fat that I don't hold much in the glycogen stores, I must have a little corner shop rather than a glycogen supermarket.  I know, as far as excuses for overeating go, that's a cracking one.  I'm sure in the weeks to come I'll discover what type of thinking that is, but for now, I'm having a little titter to myself about my very small glycogen store.

I had the vanilla shake last night - loved it, so at least there is something I can have if all else fails.  This morning was raspberry porridge, I made it a little thinner than yesterdays plain stuff and it was good, so I'll try doing that with plain tomorrow before I right it off altogether.  Later will be either veg or chicken soup, not sure which yet, and pasta carbonara when I get home, not sure if I'm curious or quite apprehensive about that one!

OK, I have to admit, it's mid afternoon and I have felt hungry today.  I did about 9am, and I do again now after having a pack about 90 minutes ago.  That's not so great.  I'm feeling a teeny bit light headed too and quite tired.  That said, I'll be quite happy if this is the extent of todays hell.  Had a pop up to Boots in my around 12 o'clock break from work.  Looked all over for some breath freshner, in preparation for giving out clouds of keytone breath very soon.  Eventually managed to find the smallest bottle ever, so got 3 of them (3 for 2, never one to pass up an offer) and have them stashed in my handbag.  Had a little squirt earlier - ugh!  It's awful!  Made me feel quite icky, so think I'll be using them on an occasional basis only.

Thursday 27 September 2012

Day one - just don't think about the food!

Firstly, I have to say that this can't be about food, if I sit here writing about food then I'll be hungry.  More than that, I'll start craving all the things I want to have that I can't have, just because I can't have them and writing about them has put them in my head.  It's basically as simple as that, I think about a food, I want it, I usually go get it, and then of course, I usually eat it.  That's what got me into this mess. So, enough about food.
This is day one of my Lighterlife journey.  So far so good, but it's only 11am.  I'm told today will be pretty hellish, tomorrow worse, Saturday a write off, but it'll all be worth in on Sunday when I will wake up feeling amazing.  Even at this stage, when I can recognise that my issues with food are in my head, and that's what needs addressing, I can be positive enough about myself to consider that my future is worth 3 days of hell, particularly with that promised rainbow to greet my awakening on day 4.  I'm looking forward to having the tools to discover things about myself that will help me to say no to bad choices, hoping maybe too that the same tools will help in all areas of my life.  When I started to consider "doing" Lighterlife, I started to think about maybe how this all started, how far back does it go, what triggered the way I think and feel.  I've got some reasons, some incidents, some ways of dealing with things that are probably quite relevant to my current waistline, I guess time will tell if they really are, and maybe I can move on to a better future.  I know my issues are much more than just making bad choices from not knowing any better.  I do know better, I know how to read food labels, I know how to cook without adding fat, I know that a fresh salad actually tastes great and makes me feel good, I know what a portion of just about anything looks like.  But still my head says it's ok to order 2 meals from the chinese cause that'll save the delivery charge, then eat them together til I feel sick, it's ok to buy 5 packets of maltesers and eat them all watching the soaps on a Monday evening, it's ok to buy a family sized packet of crisps and empty the entire packet without even registering the eating part (funny how surprised I can be when I put my hand in and there's nothing there, same happens with maltesers) and surely everybody knows that if you open a packet of chocolate hobnobs, they go stale in under an hour and must be consumed instantly?
So here I am, eagerly looking forward to the new me emerging from under this fat suit I feel like I've been wearing forever - funny to note that I at least recognise, and have for some time, that I wasn't always fat, I just felt I was in my head, and I just grew into that person I always felt I was.  I know I need to work out my triggers, and work out strategies to deal with them.  Work stress is one of them, sometimes dealing with idiots drives me up the wall, and to the vending machine, I need to learn how to be a bit less bothered I think, at the end of the day (I so hate that phrase!) it's just a job, and it's much much less important than me and my future :)

And so to the end of the day.  I considered today that I needed to do something different at times I would normally be eating - pretty much most of the day then! - so, my break around 12ish (as it is to be known from here on in) I popped off to the shops to buy myself a little treat for this evening; a bathbomb.  I also got myself a mid year diary to log packs, water and general feelings (got some special smilie stickers too!) with a nice purple pen.  Came home and made up a chilli con carne pack, as I would usually "eat" later on.  It was ok, quite spicy.  Had a lovely bath with candles and my bathbomb, which gave me chance to reflect on day one.  I feel ok, it wasn't hell.  I don't feel amazing but I didn't expect to, didn't feel amazing yesterday so it's not like it's a feeling that's been squashed over the day.  Started to think about memories and where it could have all started,  it was an interesting journey in my head for a short while.  I now find myself heading towards bed, still with a pack to go, and generally not feeling hungry today.  I wonder what tomorrow will bring...