I've written this blog to help me on my weight loss. I hope it may hope others too who are considering following a VLCD. These are my own personal views and thoughts, I have no assocation with the plans I choose to follow other than buying their products for my own personal use!

Tuesday 27 August 2013

Challenge Day 3

Ouch!

Woken this morning a little stiff but not anywhere near what I expected, got straight onto day 3 and really made an effort with the ab work, I've always struggled to engage my abs since having a huge dermoid cyst removed when I was 20, as the scar goes all the way down my rum from belly button to nunny, cutting my abs in half. So today I really focused. Now it's just 10 minutes later and I'm showered and in pain! Oooooh, those abs are hurting. I shall just keep thinking bikini, and the decreasing amount of belly bounce when I'm doing the jumping jacks.

I feel a little bit proud this morning, I just about kept up, and already on day 3 can feel a difference in my stamina.  Expect I may feel differently once I've attempted the stairs!

Monday 26 August 2013

Challenge Day 2

Just a quickie for this morning, will write more later. Woke begrudgingly this morning and hit snooze, not very often at all I do that, the night seemed to go by very quickly. Guess that's what happens when you actually sleep through it! Had a bit of a battle with my rebellious child not wanting to do the shred this morning, even arguing with me that I could still do some exercise, just not that PLEASE. Lol, I did it anyway.  When I woke my quads felt a bit tight, my pecs a little sore, but otherwise all ok.  I did the shred and it was tough, my left knee squealed a bit, which is the point I would normally pack it in.  I didn't, I worked through it and modified for a minute til it eased then carried on.

Small things, but I feel super proud :). 28 more mornings to have this same battle I guess before GI Jane emerges all buff and shiny :)

Oh my!  Talk about not getting it!  Of course, I did all that exercise yesterday and again this morning without leaving the flat, and the nature of a flat - it's flat.  In order to get to work this morning I had to go down my regular two flights of stairs.  And there we go - BAM! - pain!  Clearly walking on a flat surface is easy peasy, actually needing to use some muscles to go up and down stairs - virtually impossible.  So I didn't get away with it after all.  Sitting down has hurt all day long, going for a pee - ouchy, loo's just a little bit too low and no handles to hang on to (not that they would have been very helpful with my screaming pecs too!).  And I've been like a furnace all day, after a year of no exercise it feels like I've really stoked the fire and revved it up to mid-winter, I've been boiling hot all day long. 

All of that is great news really, pain means I'm doing it right apparently, and I definitely need to be ramping up the fuel burning cause there is a little too much going in at the moment.  I'm aware of it, but also aware how my head works and I'm not giving it the excuse of not eating enough and feeling faint when I exercise just so I can pack it in, so it's getting what it wants for the time being, I'll cut back again when my stamina improves - Jillian reckons I should feel amazingly different by next week - we'll see.  Either I'll be heading rapidly towards GI Jane, or I'll be exercising my finger in turning the dvd on while I lay immobile on the sofa :).  Tired now, not 10pm yet, need some sleep.  So totally hope I'm not terribly stiff in the morning, want to do it all again.  In fact, I could do it now - but I won't!

 

Challenge Day 1

It's bank holiday Monday and I'm all set.  In fact I'm itching to get started.  But first things first, it is a bank holiday and I do live in a flat, wouldn't be the best neighbourly thing to do to start stomping around on the second floor at this early hour.  So, time for some more prep.  Yesterday I put the jeans on I want to fit properly.  When they do, they will be my measure - I'm really not fussed what the scales say, how I look and feel is far more important.  I know right now from eating carbs I feel terrible, and I know from the extra few pounds I've gained that I look puffy too and my clothes are feeling tight.  So, that's a much better measure for me I think.  They are a Primark size 14 and right now I can get them on, I can't sit down in them and I can barely breathe, but they go on and do up.  Andrew took some pictures of me in them yesterday - they are now on my fridge under my 30 day challenge chart ready to colour in!

All that said, I have lost a little focus on where I've come from, sometimes I just need to remember that - it's less than a year, 11 months to be a bit more precise, since I was squeezing myself into a skirt that I can now pitch and sleep under, I've tried it on again this morning just to remind myself, and I've also taken my measurements this morning - I have a Rosemary Conley magic measure with my original measurements on, in a moment I'm going to compare and hopefully be all inspired and proud all over again....

Are we ready...  under bust today is 35", originally it was 46".  Gosh!  I've lost almost a foot off my boobs! Waist today is 36", originally 47" so 11 inches gone.  Wow! Even my thighs have shrunk by nearly 6 inches each, 3 inches off my arms.  Wow, again, sometimes it's very powerful to forget that and be so surprised with that reminder.  I'll plot all these stats on a spreadsheet, wonder if I can do a graph in human shape, a pie chart doesn't really seem appropriate ;)

In total, this morning, I am 65 inches smaller than I was when I started.  I will have to use that word again - WOW - I am inspired.  Funny how our heads work though isn't it, a year ago I could just about squeeze myself into a stretchy size 22 from Primark, and now I'm fitting into their size 14 jeans.  I should add that I'm not particularly aspiring to be a Primark model or anything, it was just a little thing I had when I was bigger that if I could fit into Primark I could have a new wardrobe every week!  I also squeezed into a Monsoon 22, I could probably afford a new wardrobe with them every decade, and to be honest, the Primark clothes would probably last longer.  But my head forgets all that, even though I know it, I still feel fat and bloated and a long way from target.  Which is why, I think, that my target should be that pair of jeans.  When I can wear those with comfort, without a muffin top, and can sit down, kneel down in them, then I will be there.

So what's the plan - exercise.  I suspect I may overdo it today and then not do anything tomorrow, but I really need to do a little something every day.  I am going to attempt Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, I have no idea if I'll be able to keep up with it, my current fitness is pretty shocking, but it's got to be worth a shot, I have got to be worth that shot.  It's only half an hour a day, surely I can spare that for a new shape by my holiday?  I also have the cross trainer, and the vibroplate, my wii with zumba and several different dance games as well as wii sports - I should do boxing each day, it's a great stress reliever aside from the fitness benefits.  So, lets see how it goes.  Food wise - I'll just suck it and see, I'll feed myself enough for the exercise and make my main meals wholesome and nutritious.  Aside from that - well, no pressure, I don't want feeling faint or hungry to be an excuse for not doing a days exercise, but I won't be overeating on the wrong stuff cause I know how bad that makes me feel.

Eek!  Here we go!  Wish me luck.  I'm almost 42, the best exercise I was good at in my school years was finding a place to hide with a packet of crisps til the cross country route came back round again and I could join the back.  I'm not a natural athlete hahahaha, couldn't be further from that, I've never been fit, so this could be the start of something quite remarkable!

**Evening update**  Well, it's just occurred to me - 65 inches is 5'5" - I've lost as many inches round as I am tall.  That's just bonkers!  I did day one of the shred, I even managed to keep up for most of it, I was a little slow getting up off the floor on occasion, but did most of the jumping jacks without any accidental damage either.  Gosh it was tough, I didn't use handweights for this first go but still I could barely lift my arms afterwards!  Got the bug though, and did 10 minutes on the vibroplate later on, light toning exercises on level 7.  Then I did 20 minutes zumba on the wii.  I feel great.  I expect tomorrow I'll feel dreadful!  My plan is to do something before work, cause then I will have done it, and if I don't do anything else all day, at least I'll have done something!  Probably it'll be the shred, not sure what to do though, will have to check it out - do I just keep on doing level one til I'm ready to move up?  Should it be 10 days on each level?  Think I'll have to go google :)

Sunday 25 August 2013

30 day challenge to sit down in my jeans

I have a plan, I know, I've had these plans before then life goes and gets in the way. I'm not sure I should look at it like that, or whether life is just a great excuse for a binge every now and again. I certainly feel like a very different person to a year ago, and I certainly feel like I know much more about myself and my food relationships than I did then, but I'm starting to wonder when the time will come when I've done enough research! I know I'm an emotional eater, I know I crave carbs even when they make me ill, I've researched all that very thoroughly indeed.  I've been thinking for a while about doing something different, seeing what it's like, what else am I actually capable of - cause I never believed I was capable of this level of weight loss. And in the grand scheme of things I've pretty much maintained the loss I got to (I have added a good few pounds on top of the keto gain, but overall I've not put on anything like I have in the past). So what can I do different? 

Exercise.  I've always hated it, always avoided it as much as I could. But I wonder if I could do it now. I'm going to give it a go. I can do S&S when the weather is cooler, I do it last year through to Christmas and did it very well indeed, and so I will go back to do 100% when I return from holiday (yes, another holiday, yes, another holiday to Içmeler), and until then I am going to tone. Gillian Micheals will be my new guru, and I've found a new wii dance game I didn't even know I had. Add to this the cross trainer and vibroplate and I should be well on the way to buff by the end of September. I need to remember that I bloat terribly on the heat, so I need all these clothes to be a bit on the big side to allow for that :)

Right, best go get some beauty sleep, I'm needing plenty ;)

Wednesday 14 August 2013

Guess what I just realised!

This is nuts. A thought entered my head today and then blossomed like a sunrise, entirely illuminating everything in a slow beautiful all consuming way.  I have no idea where it came from, or if I've had it before and ignored it, but it's so simple and so incredibly life changing too.

It's ok to eat.

There you go, it's as straightforward as that. It's ok to eat. I am an adult, I make my own choices, and if want to eat something, then it's absolutely fine for me to do that. I really needed to give myself that permission, to lose the naughty or rebellious child desire to stuff as much food in as possible before getting caught and being in trouble, to stop the guilt of overeating. I know, in full and graphic detail, where my food choices lead - choose carb heavy and my body feels poisoned, choose less carbs and it starts to wake up again.  Surely I can trust myself to choose in the full knowledge of what happens afterwards?

The short and long is, I don't like this bloat, I don't like how I feel, I don't like the pain and the discomfort, I feel dreadful. I feel better if I eat less, if I choose lighter carb options. I feel better without the bloat.

So there we are, I have a choice, and I choose to make my own decisions with my own free will, without guilt and with full understanding of what happens next...

(And what happens next is I stick with my plan to be back with vlcd by mid October)

:)

Monday 12 August 2013

Creating headspace to learn from

I had my little break. Still having from the S&S pages. Spent a lot of time thinking things through and wondering why I was so affected by the negatives thoughts and opinions of people that really don't matter to me. I've concluded that its because of the bullying behaviour, took me right back to all those years of putting up and shutting up and not being able to stand up and fight. With hindsight it's easy enough to spot a bully - or perhaps they should be referred to by their new cyber identity of being trolls. Nice when others are looking, but digging away with snidey remarks waiting for an explosive reaction, then going back to their poor me, it's not me it's them sympathy card. Bullies the world over play the same pattern regardless of the media they use. And people like me get sucked in each time, and are far more affected than we should be.

I now intend to look upon those people with a view of sympathy. A view that considers their own low self esteem that can only be increased by making others feel worse than they do about themselves. These are the ones in most need of the support of others I think.  I've had a really hideous week, it's been so bad in all areas because of how I let this affect me, and I'm not prepared to let that happen again just to make someone else feel good.  I have however, been able to conduct an intense experiment into the effects of carbs and stress on my body, I've really taken that to the outer limits and beyond! In the last few days of over eating I've called upon Dr Beck and considered carefully how I feel after eating my foods of choice in the quantities I have chosen. The answer is quite simply - shocking.  I wonder how many times I am going to conduct this particular experiment before I'm convinced of the findings.  Carbs make me feel like garbage. I am lethargic but can't sleep a full night, I have bags under my eyes, my skin is dull, my hair brittle. My knees hurt all the time, so do my wrists, I have trigger finger throughout the day, I have spots and dry patches side by side, my skin itches.  I have painful bloat by the afternoon every day and feel sick when I eat. But worst of all - burning awful painful heartburn, not had that at all since starting S&S. oh, I also have excema back on my hands.  I had none of this with low carbing.

So, what is the way forward? I still want to lose this extra stone, but I think the time is not right for a vlcd right now. I need to know that I can have control with regular food, and I need to stop this emotional cycle of poisoning myself with carb heavy crap. Is important I think to feel substance for now and to get a handle on snacking, so I've bought food I need to cook, proper meals, lower the snacks and work back from there when I am confident I'm under control. If Andrew doesn't get the Russia job, we're going to have a late week in Içmeler at the beginning of October, so my aim is to return to vlcd after that and get this last daft hanging around where it's not wanted stone done and dusted by Christmas.  So, lets get to it, chargrilled veg and hunters chicken on the way :)

Monday 5 August 2013

Entirely disillusioned with my fellow humans

Well, what can I say. Time after time I seem able to see only the best in people to then be let down.  So very sad, but probably very naive of me to think that just because someone has caught the same bus I'm on, that they share the same destination as me. Or that they chose to get on that bus for the same reasons as me.  

I've decided tonight to withdraw my entry from the S&S competition, it's already turned into a back biting fight by people confusing opinion with fact.  There are some folk out there that could do to spend an hour in the shoes of someone else, and go shopping in them to the compassion store to stock up in bulk.  I guess it's just a reflection of life, but it's been a shock to me how awfully (and I do mean awfully, not just as a posher very) competitive some people are, and how many others don't understand just what a huge thing going public with their very personal journey is for some.  The me me me has saddened me.

I think this may be my last blog for a while, and I think it's time for a break from those people.